These Are Compliments of John ASome are dated but are still funny...1. My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.2. Ate salad for din...er. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.3. How to prepare Tofu:a. Throw it in the trashb. Grill some meat4. I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.5. I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food in 3 hours. She greeted me warmly, we chatted over some coffees in the huge kitchen and then retired upstairs to a guest room. I had stated good natural light to be the main requisite and bags of space, as my easel was going to remain there until the work was complete.“That room is out of bounds to the staff most of the time anyway Derek, but of course it will be securely locked whether we are in it or out of it,” she gaily tittered, breathing some alcohol over me at ten thirty in the morning. She was clad. Why don't you call Carol and see if she has another outfit or twoyou can borrow and you can try being a girl for a couple of days. See howyou like it." Do you mean it?" Of course! Besides, Carol's probably going nuts wondering what happenedto you."I can't take this. I'm gonna' have a stroke! Carol kept the dialoguerunning in her head. He should have called by now. Maybe his parents areso mad they won't let him call me. A bad influence. That's what they'llcall me. A bad, wicked, deceitful, bitch. DEAD! But somehow, I was still alive! I couldn't cope with two impossible, yet concurrent realities.Finally, I began to run out of tears and began to function again. From the emotional turmoil I still felt, I hadn't died. Despite the evidence from my eyes, I was no ghost! My body was clearly dead, but I was still alive! I wiped away the last, salty tears from my eyes. My hand was smeared with makeup. Women's make-up!I also realized it wasn't my hand I was waving in front of my eyes. Unless I.
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