I don't have a problem with minor typos and more obscure grammatical errors, but you should always use capital letters at the beginning of a sentence,...for proper nouns, and the word "I". Try not to use tense shifting, it's one of my pet peeves. Tense shifting is when you start a chapter in one tense and suddenly shift to another at a random point for no reason. As a general rule, this story is in present tense, unless you are using a flashback.Keep in mind that this story should be in second. "I really meant it when I said I belong to you," she smiled. "You could ask me to do anything and I would do it." Anything?" he asked in a teasing voice."Anything. Beat me, whip me, abuse me, humiliate me, I don't care. As long as I know it makes you happy, I'll enjoy it." Do you know what makes me happiest of all?" What?" Making you happy." Oh Jeff!" she grinned and hugged him again.Just then, Kari opened the door and slipped into the room, still naked. Jeff wondered if she might get the wrong. Your twin sister would argue there's nothing normal about you but what would she know?You lived with your mom and dad in a nice house in a nice town and went to a nice school, it didn't even really have a bullying problem beyond teens josthing each other. No one was beat up, or felt excluded or even hated each other.The town had good employment, low crime and aside from a person being put in the drunk tank on the weekend, had practically no crime.It was the most normal and ideal town in the. Why do we need anything from here? We will only be at the beach for a few hours.” “I thought maybe it would be nice to have a little picnic. Would you like that? And besides, we may not spend all our time at the beach,” he said, hurrying into the store before I could say anything else. Sitting there waiting for him to return, I couldn’t help but wonder, what did he mean that we might not spend all the time at the beach? Thinking back to when I was packing my bag; he had hinted at something, but.
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